Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Good Son

I just watched the last hour of The Good Son, mainly so I could see the part where Mom drops her son to save her nephew, and I was struck by the difference in acting ability between Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood. I'm sure no one today would be surprised that Wood is a far better actor than Culkin, but seeing them together like that really made Wood stand out. And this was during Culkin's heyday. He was good in Home alone, but he probably should have just stopped there.

Posted by 6 comments

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Stuff I'm tired of

In no particular order:

"__________ much?"
MySpace
Brangelina, TomKat, Bennifer (Not the people, the stupid names. Well, the people too, but moreso the stupid names)
Immigration debate
Homophobia
John McCain
TV Medical dramas
Hilary Clinton
Congress
Local "news"
The War on Anything
Censorship
Steroids in Baseball
Coffee
"'Nuff said."
Harry Potter
PlayStation 3/Xbox 360/Wii
Law and Order
Intelligent Design
People whining about the pace of LOST
The NBA (and I still watch anyway)
Politics
NFL Offseason (I have tickets for Dallas at Jacksonville, September 10th)
"I threw up a little in my mouth"
Swords
Morning radio shows (especially if the word "zoo" is incorporated into the name)
People getting offended by everyday life (Yes, I realize some things are legitimately offensive, but I'm still tired of it)
Bird Flu (actually more accurately, that would be Bird Flu Hype since I've never actually encountered Bird Flu, though if I do, I suppose I'll quickly tire of it as well)
Made for TV movies
The RIAA
"your" instead of "you're"
checks
Per-minute charges
People who whine about the Star Wars prequels
American Idol
Frivolous lawsuits


I'm sure there are more, including one that I had in mind when I decided to post this that has since slipped my mind, so maybe it'll become a series. Anyone else tired of anything? Feel free to vent here.

UPDATE: Oh yeah, now I remember the other one:

Asshat.

Posted by 3 comments

Monday, May 29, 2006

War on Memorial Day?

It must be hard going through life always looking for something to be pissed off about. But, it must be even harder to be that way and also be too stupid to recognize all the things in the world that are available to be legitimately pissed off about, and instead to settle on the fact that a search engine doesn't have a special logo to commemorate a holiday that you feel should be commemorated.

First, perhaps Google would rather focus on holidays that don't already get a lot of attention. Second, perhaps they didn't think that making a cute little picture out of their logo was an appropriate or respectful way to honor dead soldiers. Third, if you don't like the holidays Google recognizes, maybe you could let Google know why, rather than bitch about it on some discussion board. Finally, shut the fuck up, already! I've heard enough about how all the holidays that these idiots like are under attack. It just isn't true. You seriously have to be a complete moron to buy into this nonesense.

Sorry for linking to this site full of crazies, but I just thought this was too nutty to pass up.

Posted by 3 comments

Friday, May 26, 2006

LostPedia

I'm sure most people who would be interested in this have already seen it. But just in case, I thought I would post it here. These are the kinds of things I love about the internets, so much information about anything you could want, so readily available. And with a show like LOST, it's nice to have somewhere to refresh your memory before next season starts, since there are so many details that could be forgotten over the summer. The site also has a lot of theories, which are interesting to read and a big part of why this show is so much fun. And the wiki format fits it so much better than say a discussion board which is how most other LOST sites with similar information I've seen are set up.

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

LOST vs. 24

After looking around on the internets a lot leading up to and after the LOST finale last night, I noticed that there's apparently a lot of debate about which of these is the better show. I'm not sure where this comes from since they don't really compete on any level other than that they're both popular TV shows. However, if I had to pick one, I'd say it's no contest. 24 is great, very intense, and they're sure not afraid to kill anyone off. But it's also predictable, and formulaic. Jack is going to win, Jack is always right, no one is better than Jack, he will have to work outside of protocol, leadership will change every few hours, etc. LOST, on the other hand is completely unpredictable, and I think for that reason and others, it's a much better show. The mystery and speculation add a whole new level to the show, but the plot develpment (despite whiny people with no attention span saying otherwise) and character development are also excellent. What do you guys think, which is a better show? And if you only watch one, or neither, you should be watching both. Take the summer to get the DVDs and catch up.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

What if Microsoft Had Designed the iPod Box?

This is good stuff.

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This kind of thing just makes people dumber

Jim Piggott: With Or Without Mustache?

Channel 4 reporter Jim Piggott shaved off his mustache Tuesday on the morning show Tuesday. Which looks better?

I saw this as I was getting ready for work the last couple of mornings. They made some big production out of this moron shaving off his mustache. Why? I have no idea. And though I've heard the guy's name before, it's not like he's some sort of local celebrity or anything. They also have a poll where you can vote on which looks better. Sadly, there's no option to vote for: What the fuck is wrong with you idiots putting this crap on TV? I understand they want to have a lighter side, and can't fill an entire morning show with hard news, but this doesn't even qualify as mildly interesting on any level. It stuff like this (along with everytime our city is featured on COPS, it's to get some sort of reptile out of someone's house, or a drunk woman who fell asleep in the bathroom out of a bank) that makes me sad to admit where I live.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

School District to Monitor Student Blogs

Wow, what an incredibly stupid idea. I see that the kneejerk stupid reactions to MySpace are continuing on schedule. Even if this was a good idea, don't schools have more important things to focus their resources on? Why do they think it's any of their business to punish kids for what they do outside of school?

"I don't think they need to police what students are doing online," [a parent]said. "That's my job."

Exactly. I'm all for parents monitoring what their kids do online, and I don't even have a problem if people at the school alert the parents if they come across something troubling, but there is no reason for a school to have any authority over what a kid does outside of school.
"The concept that searching a blog site is an invasion of privacy is almost an oxymoron," [Associate Superintendent Prentiss Lea ] said. "It is called the World Wide Web."

I actualy agree with this. I'll never understand why people post stuff online then expect it to be private. However, that's a completely different issue than whether the school should be able to punish kids for it.

And anyway, how the hell do you implement something like this? There's no way they can actively monitor (or even know about) every student's blog, which almost guarantees it will be enforced subjectively and unfairly. Anyway, this will just encourage the kids to be more secretive in what they post online. And if their names are not tied to the account, how can they be punished for it? They can always deny that it's them. And what if some kid is pissed at another kid, so throws up a fake page with that kid's name and a bunch of made up stuff on it? This is just ridiculous. Good luck trying to handle this mess, Community High School District 128.

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

You've got to be kidding

From Accuweather for NE Florida -



I know this is Florida, but 96 on May 20th?

Posted by 4 comments

Friday, May 19, 2006

Feud for thought: why Al would love to beat Hillary for that nomination - Times Online

Interesting article from the London Times. I hadn't heard the angle about Gore despising Hilary before. Maybe I'm just out of the loop. But the point about Bill's indiscretion robbing Gore of the 2000 election (among other causes, to be sure), is something I've firmly believed for 6 years now. I can't imagine that he wouldn't have carried Florida, or possible a couple of other Southern states decisively, if not for the whole Lewinsky mess.

Posted by 2 comments

'National' or 'common'? Senate ponders what to call English

Here's this stupid issue again. English is the language of America, because that's historically what most of our population has spoken. If an immigrant comes here from anywhere, he will have a greater chance of success and prosperity if he learns English. But some statute that grants English some sort of official status is stupid.

What are the things which bind Americans together? I would say in general that it's a sense that at a basic level we share the same values. (How we interpret and implement those values is another whole discussion). There is an American culture, but that culture is made up of many other cultures as well. Trying to enforce, however passively, some sort of American assimilation just makes us all smaller. Acceptance of diversity makes us stronger.

I've heard people bitch about stores where the employees only spoke Spanish, or places where signs are printed in two languages. Big fucking deal. Being American doesn't grant you the right to feel comfortable everywhere you go. If there's not a language barrier, there could be something else. And all that doesn't even address the underlying racism in the proposal. I'm sure there are people who think English should be the national language for some sort of cultural reason, but I suspect that many supporters of this kind of thing just want to make sure that if the brown-skinned people have to come here, they damn well better learn to be just like us.

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Border reopens after shooting

This is a disturbing story. I don't know if this kind of thing happens very often, or if it's just news now because of the whole national immigration debate. Either way, it makes me wonder if deadly force was really necessary. According to relatively sparse info I've been able to find online, agents were alerted that this SUV was seen picking up illegals on the US side and was suspected of being a people smuggler. That's not a good thing, and running from authorities is highly suspicious. But keeping in mind the London Underground shooting last year, I don't think running from authorities should automatically lead to gunfire. Perhaps the agents had other information which isn't in the news. I would hope so anyway.

This leads me to a somewhat related thought. I know that there are people on the far edge of this immigation issue who think we should basically shoot on sight any people attempting to cross the border illegally. I hope that kind of thinking doesn't influence the actual practices of border patrol agents. I think border security is somewhat important, but it certainly isn't the end-all issue many people seem to think it is. (A determined terrorist will find a way to get in even if we build the mother of all fences. People forget that the 9/11 hijackers entered the country on visas). It certainly isn't reason to shoot otherwise innocent people on sight.

Posted by 5 comments

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Enough already

I'm watching Primetime which has a story about the horrors of MySpace. This is a story that I'm really sick of. Apparently nothing bad ever happened to kids before MySpace came around. Or at least that's the impression you get from listening to this crap.

Posted by 5 comments

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

First video of Pentagon 9/11 attack released : Watchdog group says video will end 'conspiracy theories'

I really get tired of all the people who are so divorced from reality that they buy into these stupid September 11th conspiracy theories. However, as stupid as those are, it's even stupider to think that this video "will end conspiracy theories." First of all, there are just as many, if not more of these stupid theories surrounding the World Trade Center attacks as the Pentagon attack, and those manage to survive in the face of overwhelming video evidence that is clear and didn't take almost 5 years to come out, and that a lot of us actually watched live. Second, this video sucks. If I was on the fence and saw this video, it probably wouldn't tip me one way or another, but if it did, it would be towards the conspiracy side. You can barely see a plane at all. If someone believes that the government or whoever was able to pull off this hoax or whatever of a plane hitting the Pentagon, I have no doubt that they can easily believe that in 5 years a video could be faked, especially one this bad. The quotes make it sound like they expect all the conspiracy theory websites to take down all their nutcase data, and put this video up with some text saying, "Oops!" Somehow, I think the conspiracy theories will survive.

Posted by 22 comments

Town won't let unmarried parents live together

Here's another one of these unbelievable stories that make me wonder what country I'm living in. These paternalistic assholes keep trying to control other people's lives to satisfy their own misguided notions of morality. Occupancy permits are not intended to be instruments of moral judgment, but rather to make sure structures are sound and are being used in accordance with their zoning and permitting etc... Hopefully these idiots will get enough bad publicity that they're forced to change this rule.

Posted by 5 comments

Monday, May 15, 2006

Google: Irish the Web's loneliest users

This is news? Who thought this was a good idea? A small article about Google Trends, ok (and I think they already did that one), but this?

In related news, St Louis has the highest concentration of nose pickers based on exhaustive research done by this reporter.

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Marijuana, Mutual Masturbation

My wife recently watched Rent, and really liked it. So I bought her the soundtrack and the DVD. Well, my son really loves music and loves to dance, so he pays pretty close attention whenever either is on. So that explains why he would be interested in the music. But what I can't figure out is why, out of all the words in all those songs, the three above are the ones he's focused on and likes to repeat over and over again. It's really hard to try to get a three year old to stop saying "mutual masturbation" while in line at the grocery store. Luckily, he doesn't say it all that clearly. I just hope he doesn't say "marijuana" nearly as much today at school as he did yesterday at home.

Posted by 5 comments

Friday, May 12, 2006

ABC disguises ads for their shows in their "news" shows

I like ABC. They have a lot of good shows these days. LOST, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal, I like all of them, so I'm not just some ABC hater (although Invasion does really suck). Anyway, tonight I was flipping around and saw that 20/20 was on and was about to flip over and watch until I saw that the title of the episode was "The secrets of Grey's Anatomy." What the fuck? That's not a show, that's a commercial for another show. Normally, I wouldn't have noticed this, but last week or so, I was watching some ABC 20/20 special about the housing market, and one segment was about bad neighboors. In this segment they featured a story about Jim Belushi, who conincidentally has a show on ABC, and his long time feud with his neighbor (whatshername that played Catwoman, not Halle Berry, the one from Batman, not Michael Keaton Batman, Adam West Batman). Apparently the feud was recently resolved and whatshername even came on his show as an annoying neighbor. People already watch Grey's Anatomy without it being featured on 20/20, and no one is going to watch Belushi's show no matter where they put it. And if they're going to do this bullshit, at least do The Secrets of LOST, because that I'd watch.

Posted by 6 comments

Thursday, May 11, 2006

"Mega" M&Ms

So the commercial has this giant M&M that is about the size of a bowling ball or something. Now, obviously they aren't really that big, but I did expect them to be fairly large. So when Keri bought me some, I was surprised to see that they're barely bigger then regular M&Ms. If I was eathing them in the dark, I probably wouldn't even notice the difference. Very disappointing.

And when did they start making a hundred different kinds of each candy anyway? Mega M&Ms, Caramel Reese's, Milky Way Midnight, Hershey's Kissables, White Chocolate Kit Kat, Swoops, Bites, Popables, Starburst Jelly Beans, etc. All new candy that is just a variation of existing candy. I don't know what the point is.

Posted by 5 comments

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Families describe nightmares, sorrow

I have mixed feelings about this. Anything that kills 100 people is extremely serious, but I have a hard time thinking that 10 years in prison is the right thing to do with this guy. Clearly the guy did this out of ignorance - his own life was endangered as well. I don't think he should get off too easily either.

A family member of one of the victims suggested community service working with burn victims would be appropriate. That sounds more fair to everyone. Putting him in jail isn't going to deter others from doing dangerously stupid things, and it certainly won't help anyone. Putting him to work doing something positive may be the best thing.

I would save a harsher punishment for the owners. They had a responsibility to keep the place up to code and ignorance won't go as far in their defense, not in my mind anyway.

Posted by 2 comments

Police: Woman Pulls Sword In Spat Over Parking Spot

After seeing story after story about people with swords doing strange things last year, I thought maybe things had returned to normal. Then I saw this story, and when I clicked on it, I saw that it also occured right here in Jacksonville. Great. Maybe today I'll find out that it was the same Wal-Mart I go to.

Anyway, what's with people these days? Not just having swords in the first place, which is odd enough, but carrying them around with them. In her cane? The woman didn't exactly strike me as ninja material, so I'm not sure what she's doing wandering around with a hidden sword.

Posted by 3 comments

Gas prices and perception

Just like last year about this time, stories are starting about how rising gas prices will have a big impact on the family vacation. The MSNBC story above tries to show how the price of gas has made it cheaper to fly than to drive in some cases. This is ridiculous. It's just making shit up so they can have a trendy story. Now I can see how these higher prices can have an affect on daily driving, because the added cost piles up over time, but if the increase means you can't take a vacation, then you probably couldn't really afford the vacation in the first place.

Take a scenario from the MSNBC story above. They calculate the cost of driving from Miami to Philadelphia, a round trip of 2404 miles, for a family of four in an SUV getting 17 mpg. For driving they add up, food, hotel and gas. They estimate a total of $1211. The family could fly for $138/person, according to them, for a savings of $659. They claim the biggest problem is skyrocketing gas prices. But that doesn't really hold up. They use a gas price of $2.91/gallon. On this trip they would use 141 gallons, for a gas cost of $411. But what would the price be if the cost was $2 per gallon? $282, a difference of $129. So according to the MSNBC scenario, they would still save $530 by flying. Of course they fail to mention the other considerations involved in flying like transportation in Philly, additional hotel rooms and food in Philly, since they would most likely stay longer there since they saved 3 to 4 days by flying etc... So the savings is starting to dry up. And gas isn't even the largest part of the purported savings. $129 is one night's stay in a hotel room. A family trip for four from Miami to Philly is a really big trip to begin with. I suggest that if $129 is a deal-breaker for them, they ought to just stay home and go to the beach.

But just forget about flying, just look at gas alone. A 1500 mile round-trip in a car getting 20 mpg will take about 75 gallons of gas. At $2.91/gallon, that's $218.25. At $2.00/gallon, it's $150. So a $68 difference is a make-or-break on a vacation? Maybe for a very low income family who are already planning on eating bologna in the car and staying at Motel 6 every night, but I think most people can absorb a $68 difference.

But, unfortunately, these stories will be lapped up by a lot of people who can't take the time to do a little math. Maybe that's what Richard Cohen was going for with his idiotic Algebra column.

Posted by 3 comments

Monday, May 08, 2006

Beatles lose Apple court battle

Am I the only one who had never heard of t The Beatle's Apple Corps? Any agreement they may have had notwithstanding, I just don't see how products made and offered by Apple Computer having an Apple logo on them would in any way hury The Beatles. Like I said, I've never heard of this Apple Corps before. And I don't think anyone is going to confuse the two. And regarless of whether there is an Apple logo on these things, everyone knows who makes them. Since I don't really know the details of any agreement they had, I don't really know who is technically right, but either way, I think Apple Corps is just making a fuss over nothing.

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Postal Service seeks price increase, 'forever stamp'

Forever stamp, never stamp, sometimes stamp, who cares? Who the fuck uses stamps anymore? I never mail anything anymore. I suppose there are some things that you have to mail, like Christmas cards and invitations. But for everyday things like bills and stuff, I don't know why anyone would still do them through the mail.

Link via Shakespeare's Sister

Posted by 3 comments

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Mexico's Fox balks at signing drug law

Could we just stay the fuck out of other countries domestic affairs? And if we are going to stick our nose in, why not address real problems, like Mexico's woefully backwards attitudes about rape? But raping and killing are ok, as long as you aren't carrying a couple of ounces of pot.

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Is Lost a Repeat?

Just in case anyone forgot, this site provides a handy little public service.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Manbearpig

I like South Park generally, but I thought the latest episode really missed the mark. If you didn't see it, the main story was about Al Gore coming to South Park to warn against the dangers of the Manbearpig, which was going to destroy the world. Gore is portrayed as a man desperate for attention and recognition, using the Manbearpig danger to make himself feel relevant again. I think if you're going to skewer famous people, there has to be a grain of truth. I really don't see Gore as an attention seeker. He could be much more visible if that's what he really wanted. And even these nuts who deny that global warming is occuring shouldn't have a problem recognizing that Gore is sincerely concerned. Parker and Stone are usually pretty funny, but sometimes I think they try to hard.

Posted by 17 comments

Ten things I hate about the internets

First, I should point out that I love the internets. I think it's great that I can watch an Alleve commercial with Tom Skerritt, then when my wife argues that it isn't Tom Skerritt, the information I need to prove that I'm right is right at my fingertips. I love that I can get any sports scores or news or just about anything whenever I want, that I can order pizza without calling and being put on hold and having to wait for them to take my order. The internets are great. However, there are plenty of things on it that annoy the shit out of me, and these are the top ten of them that are bugging me at the moment. Hopefully, sharing this information will help to ease my frustration with these things somewhat, but probably not.

10. Spam - I don't like spam, no one does. However it's not the spam itself that annoys me enough to make the list. It's all the fucking whining about spam, whether it's just people online talking about it, or Congress wasting time on making laws about it, or stupid AOL commercials promising to eliminate it. Far, far more of my time has been wasted hearing people talk about spam than by deleting or ignoring the stuff itself. If anyone has a realistic solution for getting rid of it, I'd love to hear it. But otherwise, just shut up.

9. On the Fence - I read a lot of people arguing about things on the internets, which is sometimes kind of interesting. One thing I’ve noticed quite a bit of lately is people who either don’t or claim not to have a position on whatever is being argued about. That isn’t such a bad thing by itself, but coupled with a smug superiority these people exhibit over people on both sides, it annoys the hell out of me. I don’t mind making an informed decision, or keeping an open mind. But when you care enough to contribute to a discussion, make up your mind already. I especially hate this in political discussions where the sides are pretty clear.

8. Inside Jokes - Any online community of any size seems to develop its own inside jokes. Sometimes, they might even be funny at first. But that is pretty rare in my experience. But even if they do start out funny, there is always some idiot who will carry them on too long to the point of absurdity. It seems like everyone on the internets wants to be funny, but no one wants to take the time to think up anything originally funny. They just go for the cheap familiar laugh. But I guess even professional sitcom writers do that, so it’s hard to be too upset about it.

7. CAPS - I UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS EXCEPTED INTERNET ETIQUETTE NOT TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. AND THAT’S FINE, I DON’T DO IT. BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE BIG FUCKING DEAL IS, EITHER. IT’S NOT SHOUTING, IT’S NOT IMPOLITE, IT’S NOTHING. WHY DOES ANYONE GET UPSET ABOUT THIS?

6. First! - I will never ever understand why anyone gets such a fucking thrill out of being the first post on comment thread or discussion topic. But even if you do, no one else gives a fuck. And even if they did, they would see your post was first, even if you don’t say things like, “Woo hoo, First! Suck it, bitches.” All this says to me is that you happened to open the damn thing at just the right time. Congratulations on your powers of coincidence, I guess. Either that, or it says that you’re so pathetic that you sit around waiting for new things to comment on, just so you can be first. And that just makes you look sad. Oh, and it’s even more annoying when people do this and aren’t even actually first.

5. The Last Word - Another thing in arguments that pisses me off is when someone posts a response to someone else’s post, then explains why because of that post, they won’t be talking to that person anymore, or won’t be discussing the associated issue with them anymore. If you don’t want to participate in a discussion anymore, just…don’t. Announcing it like that just makes it look like you want to get the last word in. And if you want to ignore someone, the best way to do it is to actually ignore them, not announce your intention to ignore them. This is worse when this person then goes on to continue with the discussion they claimed they were leaving, or still talks to the person they were going to ignore.

4. Retirement Announcement - A lot of people who have been in any online community too long seem to get so wrapped up in it that they seem to think it’s a big deal if they plan to leave, recurring some big announcement detailing their reasons for leaving. This is particularly annoying if the person is leaving angry. If you want to leave, just leave. If anyone cares where you went, they’ll email and ask you. And if they don’t even have your email address, then I don’t think you were all that close anyway. This shit always just seems to me to be the person fishing for compliments or wanting people to beg them to stay in some sort of ego trip.

3. Retirement Announcement , Michael Jordan Style- Same as above, except after posting, the person doesn’t leave. Whether because they’ve just changed whatever plans they had that were going to cause the departure, or they just “gave in” to all the people begging them to stay. This is particularly annoying since people who do this tend to do it repeatedly.

2. Ad Hominem - I’m pretty sure that I had never in my entire life heard this phrase actually used anywhere before I got on the internets. And now, of course, I see it everyday. If someone is resorting to attacking you personally instead of disputing your arguments, that pretty much speaks for itself, without you wasting time pointing it out. Doubly annoying if the person using it offers up a definition along with it. Three times as annoying if they give the wrong definition, or confuse someone pointing out a stupid statement with calling the person making it stupid.

1. W00t! - By far the most annoying thing on the internets as far as I can tell is this crap. Whoever thought this was a good idea in the first place is an idiot. And anyone actually talking like this has probably never had an original thought in their lives. If you’ve ever intentionally substituted teh for the, then you should be punched in the face. If you've followed it up with ghey, you need to be beaten. Same goes for teh funnay, or pwned, or n00b. This shit isn't clever. When I see someone talking like this, my opinion of them drops significantly. If any of you are doing this, please get help.

Posted by 19 comments

A to Z Chris edition

Accent: Of course, I don't have an accent. Only other people have accents.

Booze: Beer is good. I'm no connoisseur, but I like to try different things. I do like mixed drinks too, especially if I want to get drunk.

Chore I Hate: Yardwork in general isn't too bad. It's kind of nice to be outside sometimes. But the thing I really hate is weeding and edging beds. You have no idea how easy taking care of my yard would be without the dozens of beds I have. The previous owner was a yard freak, she loved it.

Dog or Cat: I like dogs a little better, but you can't beat a cat if you like to travel like we do. Clean the litterbox, fill up a big bowl of food, and they're good for a week.

Essential Electronics: Copmputer, tv, tivo. If we're counting appliances, the fridge is pretty useful too.

Favorite Cologne: I usually wear this stuff called Friktion by Avon. Michelline likes it and that's the important thing.

Gold or Silver: Either is ok with me. My only jewelry is my wedding ring. It's a really nice braided pattern of white gold.

Hometown: I was born in Macon, MO, but like John, I consider Jacksonville to be my home town. We moved here right before my 6th birthday.

Insomnia: None

Job Title: I'm currently listed as a Testing Specialist, but I'm actually a developer, which will be my official title if our management ever gets moving.

Kids: Two girls - Tori 10 (see Dear Mr. President below) and Libby 7.

Living Arrangements: We have a house on a 1.25 ace lot. It's me, Michelline, the kids, 1 indoor cat and 2 outdoor cats.

Most Admirable Traits: Tolerant, open-minded, easy to get along with. Also, I'm very responsible. Modesty, of couse.

Number of Sexual Partners: 7.

Overnight Hospital Stays: I had my appendix out in 1980. Today it would probably be an outpatient surgery (like my last two), but back then in a Navy hospital, I stayed for a week.

Phobias: No real phobias.

Quote: How about "If it feels good, do it."

Religion: None, although the Flying Spaghetti Monster sounds appealing.

Siblings: 1 younger brother.

Time I Wake Up: 5:30 on weekdays to get the kids up and ready and still have time to drag my ass into the gym. Weekends around 9 or 10 if we're not doing anything.

Unusual Talent or Skill: I used to kick ass at Super Mario Brothers in the arcade.

Vegetable I Love: Spinach. Not slimy out of a can, but raw on sandwiches and in salads, cooked into lasagna and omelets. I had this really neat crisped spinach once at a restaurant. It was leaves, but they were crunchy.

Worst Habit: Probably procrastination. It's better now that I'm an adult, but I still put things off.

X-Rays: Dental, of course, and I also had chest x-rays a couple of years ago that turned out negative, so that was good.

Yummy Foods I Make: Sausage gravy, devilled eggs, baked chicken with cream cheese and sausage, in fact, I make a lot of good stuff.

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn. I'm a horny bastard.

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