Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Revenge theory in stingray attacks

I'd like to use my official position as Prime Minister of Australia* to condemn the killing of innocent stingrays to avenge Steve Irwin's death. First of all, the guy was clearly an animal lover, and probably wouldn't be too keen on this nonesense anyway (though I suppose he may have had a change of heart between the time the barb hit him and his death). But more importantly, are people really that stupid? Are they trying to send a message to the stingrays? Don't kill anymore TV personalities! I doubt the senseless killing of Steve Irwin was some kind of coordinated attack by the stingray population as a whole. I doubt the guilty stingray even consulted any other stingrays. Killing innocent stingrays to avenge Irwin's death makes about as much sense as attacking Iraq in retaliation for September 11th. Another point I'd like to make is that, while I watch way, way too much TV, I can't imagine any TV star whose death would affect me so much that I would be prompted to take action, even if there was some reasonable action to take, much less this crap. Maybe there are just too many stupid people in the world. Perhaps we should unleash the stingrays on them, though I'd be worried I might become an innocent victim in the human-stingray war. I like how the stingrays weren't just killed, but mutilated as well. That'll show them!

Once again, as Prime Minister of Australia*, I demand that the senseless killing of innocent stingrays stop.


* If I have to have the same name as this idiot, I'm going to take advantage of it.

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4 comments:

Toast said...

I have to say, I'm getting really good at picking out John Howard Stories. Saw this come across the newsreader this morning and knew with 100% certainty you'd pick it up.

Me4Prez said...

I almost went out and killed cars after Left Eye Lopez's death

John Howard said...

Actually, I have little interest in the whole Crocodile Hunter story in general. The only reason I picked this one up was so I could use the power of my office. But I guess why doesn't matter, if you picked it, you picked it. It would save me some time if you could let me know what I'm going to post about next.

me4prez, that's a good point, maybe I spoke too soon. Left Eye's death was pretty rough, though I didn't want to take revenge on cars, I just wanted to burn down the houses of NFL players in her honor.

Also, when Eazy-E died, I thought seriously about smackin' some hos.

Westley said...

When you die from bingeing on Hamburger Helper, I plan on killing some cows. Damned bustards! You killed jrh1972! Noooooooo!