No Proof Found of Iran Arms Program

This sounds eerily familiar. Better invade them just to be sure, if it does turn out they don't have an arms program (or if they smuggle it all out to Syria, sneaky bastards), we can just pretend we are there to fight the terrorists who attacked us on September 11th, and then if someone points out that most of those guys came from Saudi Arabia and were part of an organization based in Afghanistan, and that none of them had any ties to Iran, then we can just say we're there to liberate the Iranian people. Then if the Iranian people get mad at us for sticking around even after they've been liberated (ungrateful bastards), we can just talk about how spreading democracy and freedom is hard work, and we have to stay there until they are ready to take care of things themselves. Of course, if anything goes wrong, we can just blame it on those Iranians, so really everbody wins!*


* Except the people that get killed (Of course, they are heroes**, and it's perfectly acceptable to die a hero, even if you're just a kid).

** Well, the Americans are, anyway. All the innocent Iranians that will get killed (if they are mentioned at all) will be referred to as an unfortunate consequence of war.