Saturday, December 16, 2006

Dear Bill Parcells

First, congratulations on making the playoffs, now hopefully, you can have a better showing than last time you got there.

Second, if you don't teach your defense to cover back out of the backfield, you're not going to get very far. It cost you a game already last week, and had you way too close against an inferior team this week.

And finally, I like Julius Jones, I really do. I think when he has a good game, he's as good as anyone. However, at this point, I can only assume that he has pictures of your wife with a donkey or something, because that's what it would take for you to miss the painfully obvious fact that Marion Barber is just better. He just is, it's undeniable fact. Maybe if he gets the ball in the first quarter, you're not trailing in the third. Give him a shot, at least, he's earned it.

And another football related note, this one directed at the NFL network. Please, I'm begging you, please, please, please, fire Bryant Gumbel. He sucks. He's so bad it's hard to even remember all the shit he fucked up, so I'll just mention a couple. After the Cowboys scored the last TD, their was a personal foul on Atlanta, so Dallas kicked off from the 50, which Gumbel noted, then said "and they still can't get it to the end zone." Of course they didn't you fucking moron, in that situation, you don't want to give them the ball at the 20. You kick it high, just like they did, and get the coverage down there almost as they catch it, and get them inside the 20, which they did, and were further helped by a penalty, so Atlanta started at about the 7 instead of the 20. Another thing, a few plays later, Vick escapes the rush and fires deep downfield, Gumbel exclaims "Whide Open!" but when the receiver comes into view, he has a corner right on him and a safety closing in. They guy is just awful. I'm not a fan of announcers in general, but Gumbel makes idiots like Dierdorf and Mike Patrick look like geniuses. It's sad because he's done other things well, and he just sucks at this. Bryant, you aren't the sportscaster in the family, live with it. You're still rich and famous.

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6 comments:

Toast said...

It's sad because he's done other things well, and he just sucks at this.

Such as what? Those first few seasons of Survivor when he did the recap show? He sucked at that too. I honestly have no idea why this guy is famous and why he gets to comment on anything.

John Howard said...

Good point, after thinking about it, I don't think he has done anything particularly well. When I wrote the post, I just didn't think think too much about it and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I still like him better than Bob Costas, though.

Toast said...

Merry X-Mas unto you, oh Brothers Howard!

The Disgruntled Chemist said...

Merry Christmas, Howard brothers.

Oh, and I agree - Bryant Gumbel sucks ass as a football announcer. The game a couple weeks ago when he was partnered with Dick Vermiel (who had lost his voice and sounded like death) was the worst sports announcing I've ever heard.

John Howard said...

A belated Merry Chistmas to you guys as well. I've been busy moving, shopping and putting together furniture, so I haven't been around much lately.

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