Thursday, December 09, 2004

The Great Toilet Seat Debate

So I heard a radio commercial yestrday with some lame joke about guys leaving the toilet seat up, and I know it's pretty standard fodder for joke writers, but it always makes me wonder, is this seriously something that people argue about? Because it's not a problem I've ever had, and I don't understand why it would ever be a problem for anyone for a couple of reasons.

First, ladies, if it really bothers you that the toilet seat is up, why not just put it down before you sit down? Do you put it up when you're done in case a guy wants to pee next? Probably not, so why would you expect him to put it down for you? Also, are you blind? Do you just sit down without looking, and only realize the seat is up when you almost fall in? If that's the case, then what happens when the lid is down??? Do you make a big mess peeing all over everything?? If you want the seat down put it down, simple, problem solved.

Second, and this is why it really should never be an issue in the first place. Guys, why the hell do you put the seat up anyway? There's a big hole in it, you could just pee through that. It's really not that hard to aim. Are you honestly telling me that there are people in the world who can't manage to aim into that big hole, but somehow are able to aim into a slightly larger hole without peeing all over the floor? If that's the case then you really just need to sit down and pee like a girl anyway. And even if you did happen to hit the seat a little (you know if you're drunk or a slob or something), there's almost always a little roll of paper (sometimes known as "toilet" paper) conveniently located right next to the toilet that could be used to clean up after yourself. So just leave the seat down. Again, problem solved.

I honestly don't think anyone really has this problem, but I get sick of hearing about it from comedians and such. But if anyone really does, just shut up about it, already.

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Ace Cowboy said...

I, too, have never understood this phenomenom. I think there's a ratio, something like 25 horribly written and incredibly non-clever comedian jokes for every actual argument about the toilet seat. Actually, it might be 100 for every real argument.

Seriously, the two main questions here are:

1. Who fights about the toilet seat?
2. How long can this fight possibly last? 15 seconds? 30? I mean, it's gotta just be a jab and then both parties move on, no?

I admit, that was like six questions, but there were subsets involved. Follow-ups, if you will.

Also, I scrolled down a bit (first time to your site) and saw your line about being unbeaten in the SEC and not playing for a title. Right on, man, biggest joke in college football history. Undefeated in the toughest conference on the planet and no love...gotta feel for them. But as I said on my blog, I think Cal got screwed even more -- one loss, to USC, by 6 with a chance to win no less, and they play on Dec. 30 against a 7-4 Texas Tech. Um, joking? Craisins.

John Howard said...

Thanks for your comments. Regarding Cal, they did get screwed, everyone gets screwed by this system, I wish we'd all quit arguing about who should or shouldn't get screwed and talk about what a joke the system is. When Cal doens't make it into a BCS bowl, they shouldn't complain that they were more deserving than Texas, because it's not any better if Texas gets screwed, instead Cal people should say, why do we want any part in that joke of a system anyway, and they should mean it.

Ace Cowboy said...

Yes, totally..I summed up that argument in my post on my blog with something like "The system doesn't just need work, it needs to be f*cked up beyond all recognition."

I can't believe there hasn't been a mutiny in college football yet...

Shakespeare's Sister said...

This really just proves my theory that the secret to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms.