Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Country Club Must Make Gays Even Offer

This is good news, but I'll be much happier one day when such an obvious, common sense decision like this isn't even newsworthy.

On a related note, just like gay people need to find a better term than partner to call each other, they also need to find a better legal term than registered domestic partner, which sounds way too much like registered sex offender. I'm still in favor of using the same terms for everyone, husband, wife, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, I think the fact that a man calls someone his husband will be enough of a tipoff that it's a gay couple without having to have a term that further distinguishes it. And maybe if we all use the same words, people will start to recognize that we should also all share the same rights.

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The One True Tami said...

But John, haven't you heard? Using the same words cheapens the relationships of us straigts!

It bugs the hell out of me that people actually fear other people's personal relationships. Chickens, all of them. A spouse is a spouse if you ask me.

Robert Bayn said...

Their is not much "gays" can do as long as the goverment continues to inforce seperate laws for gays, we are forced to come up with these lame terms that mean the same thing.

sumo said...

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Jenn said...

I <3 you!!! I know you are a breeder and all (the correct term us gays use for you straighties) and it could never work out between us, but yes, I <3 you. I call my fiance just that, my fiance. And I usually follow it up with a "she" tucked into the conversation. She'll be my "wife" (with quotes, since we don't like in MA, Canada, Spain, etc...) next year and I will call her as such.

Anonymous said...

While partner is an extraordinarily boring and rather useless word (people sometimes hear that and think "business partner"), I wouldn't call my partner "wife" even if we could marry. While I want the legal benefits that come with civil marriage, I do not want a "wife."

John Howard said...

I always think of CHiPs.

Sarah in Chicago said...

Thank you!!

Yeah, I use girlfriend and/or partner but I do it for different reason.

I use girlfriend where it is safe to do so, and where it is not going to be taken as a straight woman speaking about her female friend (New Rule: straight women can no long use the term 'girlfriend'! I mean, do straight men call each other 'boyfriend'?).

I use the term partner when I am not feeling so safe, or (and my girlfriend has mentioned this too) when I don't want to sound like a bloody teenager by using 'girlfriend'.

But yeah, when it comes time for me to get married, I will use the term 'wife' and 'fiancee' and those wingnut fundies can go get screwed ...

Recidivist said...

To be perfectly honest, I don’t really think that the term ‘partner’ is the phrase of choice for most gay people .. it is a term - applied almost as euphemistically as ‘friend’ - by officialdom, straight parents and various other people of ‘normal’ (to use your phrase) persuasion in order to cover their own embarrassment and uncertainty .. and by us to cover their embarrassment and uncertainty.

I certainly don’t know any gays or lesbians who would actually use the term ‘partner’ when talking to trusted friends and other people of a same-sex orientation.

The problem with communicating with you hettie types is that if a gay man introduces his better half as his ‘husband’, then you lot (the ones who don’t faint in a fit of disgust, or turn a darker shade of tomato, that is) almost invariably start sniggering and cracking jokes about knowing “who wears the trousers” etc.

The other readily available ‘boyfriend’ / ‘girlfriend’ labels CAN to some seem to devalue the importance your fellow conspirator in a long term committed relationship.

Yes, I think Sarah has it about right. ‘Partner’ is a safety net term .. it is the term least likely to cause offence to others, so its use is pretty much down to how ‘normal’ the rest of society makes us feel.

My own choice for Lee? Well I am currently struggling to find a term that conveys a little more respect than "My Bitch" .. otherwise it is just plain old boyfriend, for now.

da lil smooth gi says n said...

...after unobtrusively looking 4an appropriate place 2sit n waiting politely 4his turn 2contribute 2da discussion*

how bout if we jus dispense w da whole marriage kinda terminology n make everybuddy equal ?
why do da ppl hafta b married 2get discounts?
i yam a lil baffled dat gay planetmates wanna b married. marriages r a government kinda invention 2control da masses. instead of makin more labels, how bout takin 'em away ?
why must we all announce our sexual preferences 2da world bi sayin, "oh i yam married or i yam gay or i yam lesbian, or dese r not my original sexual attributes".
if more t'ings were kept a lil private we would hava lil less 2pound on each other bout.
dat would b cheerful, i t'ink so.

John Howard said...

Recidivist, When I used the term "normal", I was being sarcastic. In any case, I realize why the term partner is used, I just don't like it. I just wish we could all use the same words without having to argue with what they mean.

lil smooth gi -

I'm all for making everybody equal, but I'm not sure you can get away with keeping everything as private as you seem to be suggesting, unless you want to live like a hermit.

Recidivist said...

Don't get all defensive on me ;)

John Howard said...

Oh, I wasn't. Just clarifying.

Jenn said...

lil smooth gi - wow (referring to my eyes after trying to grasp what you were saying so elopqently...)

I think the point of us gays getting married is so that we can get the over 1100 rights AND responibilities that straight people can get from the state/federal government. Straight people can walk into a hospital with their loved one in a time of need and ask the doctor what is wrong with them. Me? Not so much. I have no legal claim to HB. If I were to die, she couldn't collect social security. If I were to die and her name was not on the lease? Bye bye house. And don't get me started on taxes...

The point is that as long as religious marriage is called marriage and civil marriage is called marriage, there will be no equality because people tend to get hteir church and state confused...

lil smooth gi says n said...

oh t'ank u, ms jenn ! dat is so t'oughtful of u 2recognize dat i yam an eloquent kinda boi ?

ok i wont get u started on da taxes

in response 2gettin da same stuff as da str8s how bout one treatment 4all da kinda ppl ?

ppl needa realize dat religion is in da heart which is inside dem. matters of da heart r private so dey dont require advertisement, oppression or government intermingling.

oh yeah, as far as dyin...dont do dat. we would miss u too much.

lil smooth gi says n said...

2da pooobah papa : u know we dont hafta live like hermits in order 2refrain from blurtin out every last inner secret dat resides in our corporal temples.

bdw, i do not believe i would enjoy livin lika hermit. dont dey like perch demselves on da tall poles 4inordinately long periods of meditation ? dat might b a lil tedious n monotonous, notta mention a lil scary if it is wayzhigh up in da air n if i gotta lil sleepy n started 2kinda keel over or somet'ing n den i could fall off da pole n could getta lil bruise on my lil smooth appearance. havin t'ought dat out, i will pass on ur offer, t'ank u anyway, dat wuz nice of u 2t'ink of me, i t'ink so.