Sunday, July 17, 2005

The most boring movie I've ever seen

Somehow I had missed seeing this movie all these years, and hadn't even read the book, which is unusual as well. But my wife got in for us from Netlix and we watched it today, and I wish I still hadn't seen it. I've heard a lot about the movie, mostly people talking about it being a classic or a masterpiece or whatever, but after watching it, I'm surprised that I hadn't heard how incredibly, ridiculously boring it was. And in case you're wondering how I could be sure it was the most boring movie I've ever seen, it's because I had several hours to think about it while watching this piece of shit, and I could concentrate my full attention on it, because it wasn't like I there was a possibility that I might miss anything in the movie.

So, if you've already seen it, I'm sure you already know what movie I'm talking about, but for the rest of you, it was 2001: A Space Odyssey. Now, I realize that fans of the movie will say I missed the point or some shit, and it was supposed to make me contemplate the silence and emptinessand vastness of space, but that's a crock of shit. I watch movies to be entertained, not as some sort of philosophical excercise, so it really helps if it actually has a plot. I've seen porn with more plot than this thing had. I wonder how it could possibly be a novel, unless there are parts with hundreds of blank pages in the middle. Anyway, it sucked, and while it might not have been the worst movie I've ever seen, it was definitely the most boring.

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28 comments:

The Disgruntled Chemist said...

I agree - I thought that movie was pretty damn boring. I don't even know if I watched it all the way through; I just couldn't get into it at all.

It's not just you.

Rob the Dirty Liberal said...

I like the movie, but it is much better if you watch it after you read the book. Otherwise, alot of movie (particularly the end of the movie) doesn't make much sense.

PSoTD said...

What?!?!? You haven't watched Room with a... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..., sorry the title even puts me to sleep... View?

Christiana said...

2001 is definitely a non-standard viewing experience, and if your expectations are that it "entertain" you in the traditional way, it will definitely be boring. That is not to say however that it cannot be VERY good in it's own way.

This is not an excellent analogy, but think about photographs. Different pictures have different impacts on you. You wouldn't expect a landscape photo to have the same effect on you as a thrilling baseball highlight photo or something.

The problem with 2001 is that, because it's a classic, it can set up unrealistic expectations, such as the ones you had. With this film, you really have to be patient enough to let it come to you. *shrug*

So basically, I'm saying I don't blame you in the slightest for feeling the way you did, but I just wanted to suggest that there is something to the film that's worth appreciating.

John Howard said...

I don't understand what other reason I would watch a movie for except to be entertained in the traditional way. also, even if I had absolutely no expectations, or if I had expected it to suck, my opinion of it woulnd't be any better.

I'm glad some people can get something out of it, but I just don't understand what.

John Howard said...

PSoTD, I haven't see that one, so I can't comment, but I can't imagine it's much more boring thatn 2001.

Francesca said...

If you want REAL boring space/science fiction, watch the original Russian version of Solaris. Sure, those extremely long, almost 180-degree panning shots are cool, but it doesn't make up for the lack of action. And by 'action,' I don't mean things blowing up. I mean stuff happening.

John Howard said...

I haven't even seen the new Solaris, mostly because the previews looked boring to me.

Shakespeare's Sister said...

2001 is just a big, long, boring metaphor for sex and conception. I've never seen anything that could make sex seem like such a snoozefest.

I liked the new Solaris, btw, but Mr. Shakes didn't. He thought it was boring.

Christiana said...

Well, with music, for example, sometimes you want a fast bouncy pop song, and sometimes you want a nice serene classical aria. They are both music, but they have very different impacts on the listener. If you wanted the pop song, you'd likely find the aria extremely boring and frustrating. Just like if you wanted a traditional science fiction film, and you watched 2001.

When I speak about expectations, I didn't really mean expectations about whether or not the movie was good but rather what the movie was going to be. If you expect action sequences and rapid-fire dialogue, you're obviously going to be disappointed, just as you might be disappointed by the lack of a thumping back-beat in the classical aria.

What I enjoy about 2001 is the sense of serene beauty, and it's use of silence and calm.

If you had asked me whether or not you should see it, I would have said yes, but with a strong warning that to come to it expecting a normal movie would be a big mistake. I've made that mistake in the past when encouraging others to see it. It's a movie you have to let come to you.

Note: The film is also important in the realm of cinematic history, as it pre-dated Star Wars by nine years and yet it has special effects that, while simple, still hold up pretty damn well today. It came out in 1968, even before we landed on the moon!

John Howard said...

I didn't realize it was that old. Either way, I can't see any reason to watch the thing.

42 said...

I never made it through either version of "Solaris." ZZZZzzzzz.....

I suppose the US remake was slightly less boring than the Tarkovsky version, but just slightly. both of em got switched off about halfway through.

sumo said...

I'm with you there John...oh...and don't bother with Brando's "Tango in Paris"... serious suckage that one. It will make you disappointed with butter in a bad way.

John Howard said...

with butter?

Christiana said...

*snicker* re: butter in Last Tango.

maurinsky said...

2001 and Solaris are two of Loki's favorite movies. (He has the original Russian version of Solaris on DVD, in addition to the George Clooney one.)

And Room With A View is not boring! Sexy Daniel Day-Lewis playing against type as prissy Cecil, beautiful Italian scenery, Victorians getting all hot and bothered. It was romantic, and there is frontal male nudity.

sumo said...

If there's frontal nudity...I'm so there.

John Howard said...

If you want frontal nudity, you can get it almost anywhere on the internets. You don't have to sit through a whole boring movie for it.

Anonymous said...

blank pages... lol

Anonymous said...

Just watched 2001 and I wish I'd read your review before I did.

Hiroaki Ramone said...

This is most boring film I've ever seen and I am mathematician and soccer fan so you can expect me to be very patient. This movie is piece of crap.

faie said...

i tried watching it, and after the first 10 minutes, I just shut it off.
I even tried skipping, but nothing could make me interested. Its just plain boring.
ZZZZzzzzz

Anonymous said...

I watched the movie because I wanted to see what the whole deal with HAL 9000 was about... only to find that it could be boiled down to like 10 minutes, literally. Even that time will have no narration or music or any sense of urgency to it whatsoever (right, because anyone would be completely calm if they discovered they were facing dying in outer space from starvation). Either that, or really lame dialogues ("you think there's something wrong with him?" "oh, I don't know...").

And what the hell, the computer killed everyone in hibernation on board - and that had NO reaction of any kind - no change in music or characters' facial expressions... How could they screw up malicious AI killing people into something so godawful boring???

Oh, and the rest of the movie - like, outside those 10 minutes (which don't even happen all at once, there's all sort of blank boring crap in between) - the rest of the movie can probably only be enjoyed by people who are high on something... I don't see any reason why any sane person would waste time on this piece of crap otherwise.

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helilover said...

I can't believe I watched the whole thing! I just watched it on AMC and as bored as I was I thought I would give it a chance. I regret that decision. As for the meaning, how can you interpret the meaning of a film when your'e almost falling asleep watching it? To top it off, the length alone amplifies the boredom. I'll give it points for being revolutionary for its time but, with little dialog and plot thats all I can give it.

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Unknown said...

I mean no dis-respect but if you say 2001 sucks then you're an idiot. If you take 30 minutes on the internet to look into the movie then you'll realize it's one of the greatest movies ever made. It's meant to convey emotions in the same fashion that music and still images conjure. There literally is not a movie with a bigger plot than 2001, the plot is the entire history of the human race from the dawn of man until the end of man. The problem with movie viewers today is nobody wants to think, everybody just expects everything handed to them in a film. Filmmaking can be used for so much more than we use it today.